Dedicated to Marine Sgt. John P. Huling of West Chester, OH who was killed in Afghanistan just days before his 26th birthday. His mother, Debbie, worked with my husband Tom. He was buried at Arlington National Cemetary Memorial Day Weekend, 2012.
Ever wonder who puts all those flags on the graves of veterans?
MEMORIAL DAY Parades
Memorial Day is a celebration across communities in America that helps us remember our basic values and the soldiers who fought and died for them. Usually, it also includes a parade, one of my favorite parts of the holiday.
Several years ago my family sat in lawn chairs in our local cemetery watching the parade of Little League teams, high school marching bands, veterans in uniforms of many wars, and politicians in their red, white, and blue ties.
The cemetery was beautiful. The lawns were like carpet. American flags marked each tombstone. The flowers colored the grounds with reds and whites. Everyone was feeling damn patriotic.
Everyone except my uncle John. He turned to me and said, “I wasn’t always handicapped.”
I raised my eyebrows and wondered where this came from. Uncle John was never a happy person, but since he had a stroke, he’d become a weary soul. We’d hoped this celebration would lift his spirits.
After all, who doesn’t like a parade?
Uncle John huffed out a loud breath, pleaded with his eyes, and said: “You know, I was an electrician. I was important, I contributed to society, and I worked in a great hotel for 30 years. Now I sit here and watch life go by. I’m handicapped and useless.”
Not exactly a cheerful parade conversation.
I tried to see things from his point of view but couldn’t resist. “Uncle John, having a handicap isn’t the end of the world. Can you enjoy the parade? Look at those little kids jumping up and down on their decorated wagons.”
“You just don’t understand,” he said. “I’m not like him.”
And he pointed to my son Aaron, his nephew who has the label of autism.
Some Battles Can’t Be Won
I felt I needed to say something but couldn’t find any words. So in silence, Uncle John, Aaron, and I sat side-by-side, almost touching– yet thousands of miles away.
What Attitudes and Freedoms Do We Celebrate?
Some of the veterans in the parade were old with worn faces and bodies. Did our society value them?
Some soldiers were younger than Aaron… and their youth was shattered in the deserts and mountains of strange lands.
Some veterans carried labels of “handicapped and disability.”
And as the crowd cheered and waved, I wondered if these brave men and women would ever be truly accepted into our society.
Would others like Uncle John say they were “useless”? Would they only see the handicap?
Would they consider these wounded warriors better than people born disabled, because the soldiers were once whole and then “damaged” fighting for our country?
During the ceremony, a soldier in a wheelchair got an award, and the crowd clapped. I wondered if the community would further support him as he integrated back into society, or was his token wall plaque on Memorial Day the end?
Would people segregate, discriminate, and ignore him for the rest of the year? Would the anti-DEI crowd who opposed Diversity-Equality-Inclusion keep working against us? Would he get the support he needed to live, work, and become part of the community?
Disabled and Yet-to-be Disabled
As Ed Roberts used to say, there are only two groups of people in this world–the disabled, and the yet-to-be-disabled. If we live long enough, each of us will have a disability.
It’s something to think about.
I asked Uncle John if he noticed how the cemetery grounds looked. I told him Aaron worked at this cemetery. He and the landscaping crew had disabilities.
And with support, they weren’t handicapped and “useless.” They were the ones who made the grounds look so beautiful.
Uncle John died a couple of months later– old, bitter, and handicapped.
He never understood that people with disabilities could do all sorts of things. He saw only what they couldn’t do. He focused only on what he couldn’t do. And he’d missed the joy, pride, and purpose of the Memorial Day celebration – just like he missed the joy of Aaron and the joys in his own life.
On this Memorial Day Aaron and I will wave a couple of flags to celebrate America … both of us are competent, contributing members of our community and fight for the Diversity, Equality, and Inclusion of all the people in America.
Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward
All my best,
Mary
Comments: Come on, I know you want to share some memories of your own Memorial Day Parade, family reunion, attitudes about disabilities, and “Handicapped.” You all have ideas, let us know what you are thinking.
Today’s Feature for all you country music fans is from the Ohio Chapter of People First and was shown during the Rehabilitation Services Commission (RSC) Conference in 2012.
I loved this video, the message, the music, the participation, the fact that the People First group made the video and presented it to the “professionals”–I mean, who is teaching who?
Thoughts on Jobs and the Role of Government
Every day I watch my son, Aaron who has the label of autism, as he sits and loses skills he had in high school. We still have the dream plan, and we still have hope, but we need help to make it happen.
Why is that?
I know it is very popular to bash the government. “Not a government plan”, right? But is that what we really want?
The model programs, grants, initiatives for work, and job coaches of ten years ago are gone zap.
New RSC priorities and guidelines, cutbacks, and more cutbacks on funds have dried up and forced us back to depending on the charity, kindness and pity of others.
It’s NOT a matter of not knowing what to do
We know how to support people in the workplace. It is difficult surely, but we know how to get people jobs.
Special Education and Rehabilitation Services have decades of research and model projects. Marc Gold, Lou Brown, and hundreds of skilled teachers and professionals have shown us the direction and specific skills we need to get jobs. In this short video, Dr. Lou Brown talks about institutionalization vs. community.
Unfortunately, because there is no mandate for adult services (like public laws which require children to go to school), there are also no requirements for adult day programs. No certification for the people in charge (GED preferred instead of licensed teachers), no functional or community-based curriculum, and no related services like speech, physical or occupational therapists. Adults are on their own. And there is no due process rights for parents/guardians to hold people accountable. We are told to find another program if we are unhappy.
So, what are our alternatives?
We have to keep believing. Keep telling others about the vision of a job, or if not paid, then meaningful work/volunteer experiences.
Our young people have to remind us not to give up. They have to keep in our face singing, shouting, and even misbehaving.
Certainly, we need the government. And we need those government plans to be more than just pieces of paper–we need them to support each individual so they can at least partially participate in having a job.
Comments: Any thoughts on “I need a job?” Any other videos you want to recommend to our community?
Every day businesses and community groups try to influence us with logos and symbols.
Did you ever look close–really close–at some of these logos? Sometimes there are hidden messages.
How many times have you seen the Amazon logo?
Have you ever noticed the A-Z arrow? I didn’t.
Could this be a visual cue saying, “You can purchase everything from A to Z”? Not just books.
Business logos and commercials dominate the social media and we often take them for granted. But no doubt about it, they influence our attitudes.
Baskin Robbins
See the 31 flavors?
What’s your first impression?
What’s your second impression?
Baskin Robbins’ logo reminds us they have 31 different flavors of ice cream—can’t you just taste the butter pecan and chocolate chip?
Are you surprised the number 31 is right there in front of you?
Did you notice?
Tostitos
See 2 people sharing a tostito?
Mexican flag colors, right.
But there is a whole scene right in the middle of the logo.
Do you see two people?
They are sharing chips and between them is a table with a cup of salsa.
Now that you are aware, will you notice the embedded image on every Tostito bag of chips?
Will you tell your friends?
Your actions are helping to socially construct the meaning of their logo, the meaning of Tostito’s brand–Friend to friend.
Tour de France
See the bike? Guy in yellow Tshirt?
The most famous bike race in the world, The Tour de France logo shows an action shot of a man on a bike.
See it? The R is a man bent over the yellow wheel of a bike.
What emotions do you feel?
Bet the marketing company spent hours researching the color of the t-shirt including study groups on whether the best color was blue, red or yellow.
Perhaps this ad was donated or created by a student…or a giant ad company on Fifth Avenue.
Wolf Wolfensburger spent years teaching us to be thoughtful about the images, logos and symbols we use when we market our agencies and companies that worked with people with disabilities.
He spoke of the social construction of knowledge–we are what others say we are:
“Impairment is a normal part of life. Disability is not. That is caused by our attitudes towards people who have impairments. It’s about time we accepted that wholeheartedly. Doing so is good for people who are disabled, for community and for the planet.”
Final Question: What do you see?
What do you see?
(Martha Perske, artist)
As parents and caregivers of adults with disabilities, every day we send out messages to the world.
Our neighbors, our relatives, our children and our community are watching and learning. They are socially constructing what they see based on their experiences.
Are we spreading the message that people with disabilities over 18 years old are adults—NOT children?
Are we marketing our services in unhuman images of angels, devils, elves, giants in our company names and logos?
Does a group of people with autism walking in a store blend in, or do they draw attention to themselves?
Are adults with disabilities seen as capable employees, volunteers, contributing citizens?
Or do community members see them as needy–asking for charity, or pity?
Are we promoting inclusion and normalization?
Are we teaching others what they see? how to understand?
If this was a business, what would our logo look like and what would be the embedded message?
How are we socially constructing our environment, our world?
Your Turn:
Please share your ideas and thoughts. What message do we send on TV? in the community? What message in our personal life? What do you wish would happen?
What message would you tell Jeremy if you had the chance?
Jeremy Sicile-Kira’s Graduation Speech
Jeremy graduated from Torrey Pines High School with a 3.70 GPA on June 18, 2010. Jeremy has the label of autism with little verbal speech and gave this commencement address using voice output technology. His father, Jim Sicile, shot and edited this short movie.
Comments: Any other graduation stories you want to share? Don’t you wonder what is happening now? Is he in school? on a job? Does he live with his family or in the community? Does he have friends? I hope Jeremy is having a wonderful life with all the support he needs. Is graduation really the beginning?
